Tennis Parents and the Challenges That Come With Them
In the tennis world, one common theme is the challenge of tennis parents. By tennis parents, we're usually referring to parents who devote their whole lives to tennis, and who hope to train their children to become future champions.
I myself have gone through some challenging experiences with my parents in the tennis world, and I wanted to write about this today, because it's a very common situation in the sport of tennis. In writing this, I still have appreciation for all the good things my parents tried to do through tennis. But it's also important to learn from the areas where they made some mistakes.
Because tennis is a sport that often focuses on the individual over the team, it's very easy to become hyper-focused on your results. Some parents take this too far, and they try to force their children to achieve goals that are beyond the children's developmental abilities. This can lead to problems down the road, especially when children face injuries from overuse. A lot of these tennis parents don't intend to harm their children at all; they simply want what they feel is best for their kids to make it as a success in the sport. But too much of anything can be bad for you and your kids!
In my case, my parents actually were not quite as extreme as some tennis parents, but there was still a heavy emphasis on the sport throughout my childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. Many times, this could be a stressful experience, because I wanted to focus on other things and do what other kids like to do - make friends, have fun, enjoy the big world around me.
The insularity of the tennis world made it difficult for me to realize that some of my parents' actions (such as a highly controlled tennis schedule or isolation from the outside world) weren't healthy. Although my Dad tried to be accommodating when I dealt with health issues or injuries, we could sometimes still push too hard in an effort to keep up with what other tennis players were doing.
I really appreciate the fact that my Dad didn't go as far as some other tennis parents did, however. When I needed rest or faced too much stress from competition, my Dad often said it was better to take a break than go too far. Unfortunately, many tennis players may not have that kind of empathy or understanding from their coaches. They may push beyond what is healthy to succeed.
I wanted to write about this to note that if you are dealing with challenging tennis parents, you're not alone in going through it. In the tennis world, the lines often blur between what's considered normal tennis preparation and what's considered excessive or dysfunctional. And this is not just a problem with parents in tennis - this issue extends to coaches and other people in positions of authority in sports. Unfortunately, we often accept harmful coaching or controlling management in the sports world, because it's normalized instead of questioned.
I myself used to accept a lot of the difficult things I experienced in the sports world as normal. There were periods in which I definitely questioned some of what happened, especially when I saw how children would face overwork, burnout, or punishments when they didn't perform perfectly on the tennis court. But because this kind of environment is often encouraged in the sports world, I didn't realize that it was abnormal.
Now, I've learned a lot of lessons, from both my own experience with tennis parents and the experiences I've witnessed with others. The biggest life lesson I've learned from observing tennis parents is that if I ever have children, I don't want to repeat the same cycle with them. I want to ensure that my kids can enjoy their childhoods, feel free to leave tennis if they want to, and feel free to choose their own careers in the future. They should never feel they are beholden to the sport in a harmful or oppressive way.
In writing this, I am not attacking my parents or saying they were intentionally trying to cause harm through tennis. I know they did the best they could with the knowledge they had at the time. I'm simply sharing my experience of what it was like to grow up in a "train to become pro" tennis environment. Despite the stress I faced, this didn't stop me from loving and enjoying the game of tennis itself, and I still appreciate how tennis kept me on a healthy path throughout my life. But I've also learned from some of the missteps my parents made, and this will guide my future decisions towards tennis and how my children would experience the sport.
To finish up, here are some key points to remember when you're involved in tennis, whether you're a professional or an amateur:
Your coach, manager, or parents shouldn't force you to compete in events, train excessively, or devote your entire life to tennis. You have the right to choose how much you compete or play.
If you feel coerced into doing anything, you can contact officials at any major tennis organization (USTA, ITF, etc.).
If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to question or leave a controlling or harmful coach, manager, and so on.
It's not normal to go through yelling, harsh punishments, or other abusive methods of tennis coaching. It may be normalized in some parts of the tennis world, but most official organizations do not accept or condone this behavior.
Tennis should feel fun, not threatening. Make sure you are enjoying a safe and comfortable environment as you play the game.
These key points are all things I'm still learning myself, as a tennis player who is getting started in the competitive side of the sport. When I recently took a USTA course on safety and abuse prevention in tennis, I learned a lot of important information about how athletes can protect themselves from harm or exploitation. In the future, I'll return to this subject to share more about safety in tennis.